Before I Was His

[Helena L'Amour Rare Rare]

 

Helena wasn't always the girl she is now. When she was younger, she was much more shy and sweet. However, despite her more demure nature, she always wanted something more. Something to spark a fire in her. 

Below are the tales of the times before she was his. When she dared to dream, to want, and when she let her own weakness prevent her from pursuing those desires. There are tales of happiness and sadness. 

 

 

(Reel courtesy of Muses Gloss)

Table of Contents:

1) What A Girl Wants
2) Bittersweet Victory

[Helena L'Amour Rare Rare]

What a Girl Wants

 

~Summer 2018, Early June~

The summer air was thick and hot. It was the kind of night where you prop yourself inside with a cold drink and a fan, chatting with friends and enjoying company. The girls of Cabin 10 were hosting a sleepover out in the common area. Some of their half-brothers had joined as well, though admittedly significantly fewer. Helena was brand new to the cabin, having only been claimed a few days prior, and this was an effort for her siblings to get to know her. They had spent much of the night talking about their favorite designers and what celebrities they had crushes on. Things were winding down for the evening and Helena had cuddled up into her sleeping bag when one of her sisters suggested a more daring topic: who did they have crushes on at camp?

Helena hadn't been there long enough to really know anyone yet. And at thirteen years old, she had only really just started developing crushes on people. So when it passed to her, Helena shrugged. There wasn't anyone that she had met yet that really caught her fancy. She hadn't met that many people before their mother claimed her, and since then she had mostly been in Cabin 10, not really enjoying all the attention that she received when she left. Her siblings kept telling her the makeover would go away eventually, but she wasn't really sure she believed that. Since she had been a shut in, there wasn't really much opportunity to meet boys that weren't her half-brothers.

Little did she know what the next few days would bring.

As the cabins went to breakfast the next morning, Helena's makeover finally faded. She dressed in an oversized sweatshirt and some jeans, hoping that nobody from the other cabins would recognize her. Her siblings chuckled, and some of the older ones remembered another of their siblings who had a similar reaction to the makeover. Helena's objection hadn't been to the makeover itself though, it was just the attention that it brought to her. Now that she was less obviously attractive, she was hoping that she could safely venture to the cafeteria to eat without people staring at her.

Helena made her way to the cafeteria and grabbed a tray and some pancakes. She had made it to the condiments section and began pouring on the syrup when he walked in. Helena wasn't sure what made her look up from her tray at that exact moment. Call it fate, call it coincidence, her eyes fell upon him. Mateo. Her heart began to flutter in a way that she had never felt it do before. She stopped paying attention to her task and had to be nudged by one of her siblings before the syrup overflowed off the tray and onto the counter. 

Cheeks flushing, Lena took her tray over to sit near her siblings, grateful that the boy hadn't spotted her. 

~Summer 2019, July~

Over the last year, Lena had adjusted to life at Camp Half-Blood. She had started learning how to control her powers, and had even managed to land a solid curse on a boy from the Ares cabin who tried to call her pathetic and weak. She was starting to feel more powerful by the day. It was a great feeling.  

The last year had also only deepened her crush on Mateo, however. He was gorgeous. His eyes seemed to pierce the soul and look straight through you. His voice was the perfect balance of rough and melodic that caused her to melt anytime she heard him speaking. She wanted him so badly, but he didn't even really know she existed. Helena had never wanted to be an outgoing and enigmatic person, but now she would have given anything to have that kind of personality just to have a fraction of his attention. Her heart ached for him, but to him she was invisible.

She thought she was okay with that. Unrequited love was to be expected from one's first crush after all. She had read enough romance novels and watched enough romantic comedies to know that it wasn't uncommon. Each day she hoped he would notice her, or that she would find someone else to have feelings for, but knew that love took its time in all things. She could wait. Or so she thought.

One hot day in July, the Aphrodite girls got incredibly bored. Several campers had decided to take the day off from training because it was just too hot, and a good number of those had decided to wander off into the obscure parts of camp with their partners. Her sisters had decided that this was the best time to teach her how to use her power to sense and manipulate love as a way to track people down. They started in the forest on grounds. They had brought her out there blindfolded, and told her that she would be successful if she was able to lead them to even on other couple that was off in the woods. Helena accepted the challenge. This could be fun.

It took almost an hour, but she eventually began to feel the lust of some unknown couple. She closed her eyes and let herself feel it out, trying to pinpoint the direction it was coming from. After several minutes she opened her eyes and began to walk towards where she thought it was coming from. As the feeling got stronger, she slowed her pace, trying to be quiet. After all, the goal wasn't to disturb the couple, it was simply to find them, right? Lena did her best to muffle the noise of her feet on the forest floor as she walked.

After a hike that lasted about fifteen minutes, she eventually saw light from a clearing and heard a girl's voice through the trees. She waved her siblings over and they walked to the edge of the clearing. But Helena wasn't ready for what she saw.

On the other side of the trees, as she peered through their low-hanging branches, Helena saw Mateo kissing another girl. Immediately her heart shattered. Her siblings, knowing exactly how she felt, brought her into a hug and got her out of there as quickly as possible. Tears streamed down  her face as she tried to sob silently. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her like that. The girls got her back to the cabin and Lena ran to her bunk.

She didn't leave for four days.

~Summer 2020~

The year had been rough. Everywhere she went there were reminders that the one and only person she had ever developed feelings for was happy with someone else. As the sun began to stay out longer, and the kids who left to go back to public school began to trickle back in, Helena found herself doing her best to keep busy. She spent a ton of time in the pegasus stables, mucking them and taking the creatures out for a fly every now and then. When she wasn't doing that she would go help organize the armory or tidy up the various art stations around the camp. Nothing seemed to work though, it seemed like wherever she went Mateo would show up. 

So Helena tried to force herself to go on a date with some of the other campers. There were plenty of boys that were interested in her. She was attractive, powerful, and friendly. Most demigods considered her a catch. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force herself to have feelings for any of them. They all fawned over her. It was sweet enough, but it wasn't what she wanted. Lena wanted someone who would show her passion, not adoration. 

Between her dates and the extra work, summer drifted by quickly, and soon her crush left to return for his final year of High School. Helena had never been so happy for him to leave the camp.

~Early July, 2021~

This was the summer she was determined to get over her crush. It had been three years. Two of them he had been with someone else. Last summer had been absolutely painful. She was fairly certain she couldn't stand another summer watching him kiss and hold this other girl if she didn't force herself to get over it. She tried again to go on dates, but they all ended with her significant disinterest as the boys acted as if they were enthralled by her. Is it so hard to find someone to be my equal?

When the whispers occurred that Mateo was back at camp, and Helena had no luck at forcing herself to move on yet, she found herself hiding out in the far reaches of the campgrounds. Her favorite spot was a secluded spot on the beach where she could listen to the waves and relax. It was rare that anyone bothered her there. 

She had no idea that the spot would soon deliver everything she had ever wanted. 

 

Content Warning: Sex. Read more here.

[Helena L'Amour Rare Rare]

Bittersweet Victory

August 2021

Dear Diary,

I still can't believe it some days. Mateo is mine. Well... sort of. He's sleeping with me anyway, and as far as I know he's not sleeping with anyone else. It's amazing. We went to a party the other day. He even got a little jealous when I was dancing with the other boys--though he's the one that set me loose once we got there, I don't know what he expected me to do. Maybe he'll figure out how he feels about me now! It has to be just a matter of time...

Love,
-Lena

September 2021

Dear Diary,

I don't know how much headway we're really making. I can feel his love for me growing. I don't think it's just my imagination. But it's slow and he still isn't aware of it. It would be so easy to get what I want if I just gave him a push... but it wouldn't mean anything. I don't want to use my powers to get what I want. I want him to realize it all on his own. Maybe it's silly, and my siblings will think I'm dumb, but I love Mateo... I can't do that to him. Mother, if you're listening, help...

Love,
-Lena

October 2021

Dear Diary,

We had Capture the Flag today. Mateo and I were assigned to the same team. As soon as it started he grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me across the entire forest to do some spying on the opponents. I didn't realize how competitive he was! But it was still pretty reassuring that he chose me of the whole team to go with him. Maybe he'll realize how he feels soon. His brother, Shadow, came by. Mateo didn't seem to mind when Shadow implied we were together, so maybe... But I don't want to get my hopes up.

Love,
-Lena

November 2021

Dear Diary,

Nothing new to report. Not really. I feel like things are stagnating with Mateo. I don't know if there's really any progress being made. It feels like his feelings are growing, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. He still appears completely oblivious. I don't know what to do. The holidays are just around the corner, and I don't really want to have expectations of him that he can't live up to. I might have to quit seeking him out and let him come to me for a while. For my own sanity. Wish me luck. 

Love,
-Lena

December 2021

Dear Diary,

It's Christmas today. Merry Christmas! I haven't gone to find Mateo. He's not my boyfriend after all, so I shouldn't expect that we would spend the day together. It still hurts though. I know I shouldn't have expected it, but I guess a part of me must have. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. He doesn't seek me out unless he wants sex. I'm starting to feel like I'm nothing more than a toy that he plays with when he's bored. If I wasn't a child of Aphrodite, and as a result can feel how he feels, I don't know that I would be able to have stayed even this long. If he doesn't seek me out for the New Year, I might have to make a point to show him that he could lose me if he doesn't figure his shit out... It won't be true, we both know I'm incapable of moving on, but he doesn't have to know that, does he?

Love,
-Lena