He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

[Willow Iris Hazelwood]

Willow had gone into the city and visited with family for the holidays. While out there she had been busking for money and ran into Killian. He seemed to come up everywhere, and Willow was having the hardest time resisting his charms. She knew better. He had a reputation for sleeping around and that he didn't keep interest in a woman for long after he got what he wanted from her. But when he was around her, Killian seemed to be the most genuine and thoughtful man. She was convinced it wasn't sincere, but she also thought it would have faded away by now.

There was only one other person she could think of at the camp who would understand exactly why Willow was being so resistant to Killian's efforts: Samantha. The girl was known for her distaste for promiscuity. And while Willow wasn't opposed to premarital relations, she was opposed to giving herself to someone who didn't truly love her. So she could relate, in part at least, to Samantha's distaste for people who flit from person to person and never took intimacy seriously. So she believed that in this moment, Samantha might be the only person who could help her keep her resolve not to give in to his charms.

Because he is so... very... charming...

Knocking firmly on the door for Cabin 6, Willow called out. "Samantha... Are you there?" She bit her lip nervously. "I need moral support!"

@ Samantha Adams

[Samantha Adams]

Samantha was deep in concentration at her desk, a finger twirling through a strand of dirty blonde hair, writing out her thoughts in her private diary. It was another rant about her arch-rival Evelyn, the girl was taking up more and more of her reports lately. Mostly due to the awful pranks she kept pulling on her, what was that girl’s deal anyway? From there her focus shifted to Sage and her other half-siblings, writing out who was up to what and which ones she’d need to keep an extra eye on. They were fortunate to have such a caring older sister like her who gave so much thought to their upbringing.

When she heard a knock at her door her eyes shot up off the page. Who could it be? She thought, the answer came very quickly when she heard the high pitched voice calling for her and…moral support?! That was her cue, so she shot up from her chair real quick and bolted towards the door. Opening it, a large grin on her face, “Willlloooowwwwww” she called out embracing the girl with a tight warm hug. “How are you girl?” It had been awhile since she’d seen her friend and she wanted to know everything. Out of her many friends from camp Willow was the one she had the most hope in. So many other campers thought Samantha was crazy for not wanting to indulge in all the…extra curricular activities Camp Halfblood had to offer. And while she had opinions on some of Willow’s behavior, the girl never seemed to shun her and she always appreciated that. If Willow needed support, Samantha was here to offer it!

[Willow Iris Hazelwood]

As she waited for Samantha to come to the door, Willow chewed on her lip. The sensation reminded her of the other evening, in New York, where she had run into Killian. He had been so incredibly sweet and charming, and after months of his attention, Willow found herself unable to resist. She had let herself kiss him on the sleigh ride in central park. Now she was having a complete internal crisis because she was convinced that she had ruined any chance of him going back to ignoring her.

Samantha was just the person to help her bolster her resolve. At least, she thought he was. "I'd be doing better if I hadn't done something incredibly stupid right before Christmas." Willow started to tear up, and looked at her friend. "You're going to be so disappointed. Please spare the lecture, I know I messed up. I just need some support right now." Willow said, some tears starting to slip from her eyes and down her cheek. "Samantha... I... I... I kissed Killian."

Willow had always believed that Killian's interests in her were fleeting and would go away once he tired of chasing her. She truly believed that if she gave in to his flirtations and offered anything more than friendship that Killian would 'love her and leave her' as the expression went. It was what he was known for around camp. He was likeable enough, and he had never been cruel to any of the girls he had slept with--that Willow was aware of anyway--but that wasn't the kind of girl Willow was. She wasn't as strict as Samantha about purity, but she didn't want to sleep with a man who didn't truly love her either.

[Samantha Adams]

Samantha’s initial happiness over seeing her friend gave way to concern when it became apparent that Willow was quite distressed. Leading the girl to the corner of the porch where they could have a little privacy away from any prying ears inside the Athena cabin. Samantha had strict rules against gossiping but that hadn’t always stopped her younger siblings from engaging in it. “Oh Willow, that’s wrong?” She focused all her attention on her hurting friend trying to gently coax out whatever it was that was troubling her. “Something stupid…” she started, getting an idea of where this could be headed “No, no lectures today, just a friend supporting a friend” she responded with a smile, wrapping her arm around Willow in solidarity.

“Oh my!” she proclaimed when Willow finally revealed the source behind her worried demeanor. “You kissed him? Killian!” her mind raced to process all this new information. On one hand this could be disastrous, Killian had been one of several playboys at camp that she did NOT approve of, however, she herself had recently had an extended encounter with the wild Irishman during his Christmas party and was presently conflicted on how she now felt about him. She supposed that of all the boys Willow could have kissed, Killian was probably the least dangerous.

“While it probably wasn’t the wisest move to make…” she paused, trying to figure out the best choice of words. “Well, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ve learned some more about Killian over the holidays that has made me reevaluate the man in a more positive light. But first let’s start from the beginning. What exactly happened and more importantly how do you feel about it?” If she was going to advise her friend she would need to hear how this had impacted her.

[Willow Iris Hazelwood]

Willow couldn't stop herself from crying. She was convinced that she had ruined everything. It was comforting that Samantha was able to be there for her and not scold her, but truly understand why it was that Willow was upset. Or at least, seemed to be willing to try to. It took all her effort to rein the crying in enough to be able to speak clearly. "Well... You know how he's been showing extra interest in me lately." Willow sniffled, and chewed on her lip looking down at the ground. "I... I've tried to ignore it. But you know how he is. He's so charming and sweet when he wants to be." Killian was capable of saying some of the most romantic things in the world when he was attempting to woo a lady, and couple that with his accent and most girls fell hard. Willow had always wondered what he might be like if he were ever serious about the woman he wooed, because she was certain that the poor woman wouldn't stand a chance. "I was busking in New York after visiting my family. And he found me. So... we hung out. I enjoy his company when he isn't just flirting so... I thought friendship might be an option." Willow looked up at the roof above her on the porch, and gasped. "I feel so stupid..."

It took several deep breaths before she was able to continue. "He offered to take me on a sleigh ride through central park. And... I don't know, we were talking, and he was just so sweet, and... I... I kissed him." Willow was wringing the bottom of her shirt pretty hard between her hands as she spoke. "I know he doesn't mean any of this. He... He'll move on to the next girl as soon as I give him what he wants. He always does." She chewed on her lower lip. "But... I don't want him to..." Willow confessed. In spite of herself and her better judgment, she could feel herself falling for Killian. The boy who, most assuredly, would break her heart if she let him. "Killian doesn't date, let alone fall in love."

[Samantha Adams]

Samantha waited patiently for her friend to collect herself and calm down. Willow was clearly in a state of emotional turmoil. While Samantha always kept a tight grip on her feelings (at least in her mind she always did) she knew from experience to not rush Willow in getting to the point. She would get there when she was ready, in the meantime Samantha gently massaged her friend’s shoulder with the arm she had wrapped around her.

She smiled softly, “Yes, Killian can be quite charming when he chooses to be” she affirmed. It was true, Samantha was immune to the Irishman’s charms, but they were there. It wasn’t hard to imagine a scenario where her friend could be ensnared by them. As Willow went on to explain what happened in New York, Samantha had to bite her tongue at moments not to jump in and interject with what SHE would have done in that situation. She had to remember that not everyone here at camp had the same amount of self-restraint that she did; it was her job to instruct them just as her mother instructed wisdom to those who sought it.

When Willow finished she took a deep breath, this normally would be the part where Samantha would chime in with the beginning of a lecture, but when it came to Willow she had a bit of a soft spot. The girl was truly a caring soul and she did put up with Samantha when many did not, in return she tried to reign in the lectures when she could. “He might, he might” she admitted when Willow shared her fear of Killian moving on. “But, and this is in no way a certainty. It could be that the time you’ve spent with him has changed him somewhat. The Killian I met at Christmas was not the same Killian I avoided before you came into the picture. Perhaps…perhaps if you were to tread very cautiously. You might find him willing to try and change his behavior…….just don’t give it all away the first time he smiles at you ok!?” She hadn't meant that last part to be a lecture but even she had her limits, and she really didn’t want her friend to get hurt. If a kiss had been enough to upset her, imagine what sex could do if Killian were to revert to old ways she thought to herself.

[Willow Iris Hazelwood]

Willow was chewing on her lip by the time Samantha stopped speaking. "Samantha... I can't date him." She said, a little surprised her friend was even sort of okay with the idea. Oh no! He's gotten to her too. For Willow that was the only reasonable explanation that Samantha--the camp puritan--would even remotely support the idea that Killian had changed. It was much easier for her to believe than the possibility that he actually might have changed. "It's a nice thought Samantha, but come on... The camp's biggest playboy falls for the camp wallflower and changes his ways? Please. This isn't a high school drama." She said with a wry chuckle.

"I haven't been able to leave my cabin because I'm afraid I'll run into him." Willow dried her eyes. "I just feel so stupid. You know? I was doing such a good job of not giving him any reason to think I would be one of those girls. I had such good boundaries in place. And I threw it all away! Why? Because I tripped and his face was a couple inches away?" She had been getting out of the sleigh at the end of their ride, Killian had been the perfect gentleman and so sweet, but when she tripped her face was inches from him. Her heart raced, her cheeks flushed, and her hormones took over. Willow pressed her lips to his and that was that. "Also, I panicked after that. I... I don't know if I could even look at him again." Willow continued to chew on her lower lip. "Samantha... help."

[Samantha Adams]

Samantha was about as surprised as Willow was by her words. Prior to the holidays Killian was in no way someone she’d ever recommend getting involved with given his past reputation. When it came to body count he could give an Aphrodite camper a run for their money! She wasn’t out right opposed to dating and relationships, they could serve a purpose when initiated correctly, it was just that those conditions rarely seemed to happen here at Camp Halfblood. Yet like Willow, she herself had been trying to figure out a lot over the last few weeks. Re-evaluating her values and outlooks on life was a part of growing up, but this particular bout of self-reflection had been a real doozy.

“Yea, I understand even the simple things like stepping outside your cabin might be awkward.” Truth is, Samantha had been avoiding certain people herself lately because she didn’t know how to handle her feelings around them. “We all make mistakes, and we make decisions that call into question the beliefs we thought we’d never waver on.” Now she was thinking about the recent incident with Levi at the lake, so much had happened to her recently she felt like she was giving this advice to both Willow and herself at the same time. Sitting there in silence for a moment, she twirled her hair around her finger thinking. It then occurred to her though, she had failed to ask probably the most important question she could. “Willow…” she began “What do you want? Not what you think can or should happen. What do you wish would happen? If you had a magic wand and could control the situation, what outcome would you create? Maybe that’s where we should start.”

[Willow Iris Hazelwood]

Samantha was a reasonable person. That way why Willow had sought her out. She wouldn't judge Willow for wanting to save her heart for the right person, if anything Samantha would push for it. That was the girl Willow had been anticipating. Maybe because they were friends, Samantha was trying to be less pushy. On a typical day, Willow would have been really proud of the maturity it took to put aside her personal feelings to support her friend how she needed it. Right now, though, Willow had really been anticipating the girl who was all about purity to tell her how foolish she had been and come up with a plan to fix things. The change wasn't exactly something she was going to complain about, but it was strange and was throwing her off. This wasn't the conversation she had anticipated.

"I don't know..." Willow admitted. She really wasn't sure what she wanted. "I mean... in a perfect world, I suppose... I want someone to love me. Not just lust for me, or think I'm a challenge. So, if it was going to be him I'd want his interest to be genuine." And in all honesty, she didn't believe that were possible. Killian had a reputation for being a terrible womanizer and flirt. Willow was fairly certain that his interest would dissipate if she ever gave in. "I'd want for him to stick around after I gave him what he wanted. If I did."

She hadn't exactly admitted to having feelings for Killian. But it was the closest she had ever come to admitting there was a possibility she could. If it weren't for his reputation, Willow probably would have been easy prey for Killian. She wanted to fall in love with someone. Killian was incredibly charming. Willow hadn't just kissed him for no reason. He had drawn her in with his efforts and charm. And if it weren't him, she would probably be overjoyed at the fact that they had kissed. She would have probably given in and dated them. But Willow was terrified of putting herself out there and letting him hurt her when she knew the reputation he had.

"But that won't happen. He's Killian. He will get what he wants and move on. He always does. So what's the point in pretending this is anything more than what it is to him?"

[Samantha Adams]

Samantha listened patiently as Willow expressed her doubts and concerns about her feelings for Killian. She could tell that her friend was struggling to make sense of her emotions and was worried about getting hurt. "I understand what you're saying, Willow," Samantha said softly. "It's natural to want someone to love you for who you are, not just for what you can give them. And I know it's hard to trust someone who has a reputation for being a player." She paused for a moment, thinking about how to best help her friend.

"But lately…well…I also am coming around to the idea that it's possible for someone to change. People aren't just defined by their past actions, and Killian might surprise you if you give him a chance." Samantha knew sometimes people put up walls to protect themselves, but that didn't mean they couldn't be broken down. As she said this, Samantha couldn't help but think about her own situation. She had been slowly developing feelings for Evelyn, but she hadn't yet found the courage to tell her. "I'm not saying that you should ignore his past behavior, but maybe try to get to know him a little better. See if he's willing to be honest with you and show you a different side of himself."

At the same time, Samantha understood that Willow might not be ready to take that chance, and that was okay too. "If you're not ready to take that risk, that's understandable. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and make you feel loved for who you are. And if Killian isn't that person, then it's better to find out now than later." She smiled warmly at her friend. "Just remember that I'm here for you, no matter what happens. We'll figure it out together. And if you ever need to talk or vent, I'm always here to listen."

[Willow Iris Hazelwood]

Willow was chewing on her lower lip as she listened to Samantha. She had not expected the girl to be so reasonable about everything. Willow wasn't sure she was ready for the logic that her friend was providing. Of course, she shouldn't really have anticipated anything else. Above all else she may be, Samantha was still a daughter of Athena. Reason would always win out in the end. "I'm not very good at telling when people are lying to me." Willow admitted. Her naivete was something that had gotten her taken advantage of more than once in the past. It was, likely, no small part of why she hadn't yet allowed herself to fall in love with anyone.

"Trusting someone who is known for loving and leaving people seems far riskier than trusting someone who hasn't." Willow kicked her toe against the ground softly. She wasn't incredibly brave like the other heroes. She wasn't bult for taking risks. Willow was an artist and maybe a healer. She could shoot a bow, but preferred to avoid a fight altogether if she could. Love might not have the same kind of casualties and pain that combat did, but in some ways that made it worse. There was no healing a broken heart. Not the way you healed a wound, anyway. She couldn't use first aid and nectar to cure it if she got hurt.

"I believe people change. And... if I were in your shoes I'd probably be telling myself the same things." Willow nodded in agreement and understanding. "And if I truly believe that people are capable of change, I can't just say that I believe it, I have to give them the opportunity to prove that they have. And that means taking risks." Willow conceded. It wasn't enough to say that you believed people could change. If you truly believed that to be true, then it was necessary to back that up with action. It was all well and good to say that, but practicing what one preached was a necessary virtue. "So... I guess I can start with talking to him." Willow sighed. "Being mature and grown up about things is hard. I don't like it." A nervous chuckle escaped her lips. Sometime down the road, Willow would have to ask Samantha when her perspective on things had changed. But for the moment she was too wrapped up in her own anxiety.

[Samantha Adams]

Samantha nodded in agreement. "It's true that taking risks is part of life, and sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones to learn and grow. But that doesn't mean you have to throw caution to the wind, either. You can take things slow with Killian, set boundaries, and make sure you communicate your feelings and expectations. That way, you're giving him a chance to show you who he really is while still protecting your heart." Samantha was starting to feel that Willow was coming to this realization, she couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in her friend. Samantha had been reminded herself recently that love was a risk, but so was everything else in life. And sometimes, the greatest rewards came from taking those risks.

"I understand that it's scary, Willow," Samantha said softly. "But I believe in you, and I believe that you have the strength to take this risk. Just remember that no matter what happens, you'll always have me by your side to support you and help you through it. I know you'd probably figure this all out eventually, but I'm glad I can be here to help. Now, I think it's time for you to face your fears and confront Killian. See where things go from there, and remember that you deserve to be happy and loved."

As she spoke Samantha was surprised to hear these words come out of her own mouth. She realized that much of what she was sharing with Willow was her own heart trying to encourage herself to be brave in the same way when it came to her budding feelings for Evelyn. Maybe it wasn't too late for her to find the same kind of happiness she was so strongly encouraging Willow to find. 

Edited April 10, 2023 by Samantha Adams

[Willow Iris Hazelwood]

Willow sighed. "I don't have to date him first though, right? I can just... be friends?" She scrunched up her face showing obvious discomfort at the idea of trusting him with her heart. "Just because I... I kissed him doesn't mean I have to... we can just spend more time together. Casually, right?" Willow knew that, in reality, there were no rules for these kinds of things. There wasn't a guidebook for dating because dating and relationships were as unique as the individuals involved in them. There was no one-size-fits all path towards happiness. However, in her current state of mind, she needed reassurance that it was okay to move a step or two backward even though she had been the one to make the leap forwards.

Samantha's words turned oddly inspiring. Willow chewed nervously on her lip, but she couldn't argue with the fact that her friend was, in fact, right. There was no way to know until she took the risk, and she was more than capable of facing her fears when she needed to. With another loud sigh, Willow replied. "Alright, fine. But if he breaks my heart, you have to buy all the ice cream until it heals." She stuck her tongue out at Samantha before offering a friendly smile and a hug. "Thanks. You're a really good friend."