★Lilythe Posted August 25, 2022 Admin Share Posted August 25, 2022 Archived Application Reviewer Tracker Sometimes people go inactive and we have to archive the application before they complete it, and then they come back. To keep things consistent, we'll keep them listed here. Please send the following letter before adding them here: Due to inactivity, we have archived your application and are removing ourselves from this PM. Should you return, simply post in the Reactivation Request and we will pull your application out of the archive. Please use the information in this letter to edit the application. We have saved a copy along with who was on your team so that the standards won't change upon your return. We hope to see you soon. Archived Apps & Staff Reviewers Kestrel Williamson DUDEITSBRITT & Lilythe Harper Rose DUDEITSBRITT & Lilythe Ezra Hale DUDEITSBRITT & Lilythe Seong Eun-Ji DUDEITSBRITT & Lilythe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★Lilythe Posted March 17, 2023 Admin Author Share Posted March 17, 2023 Kestrel Williamson Hello Cyzzane! Before I respond, I want to tell you that you're off to a great start. It tells an interesting story, and you clearly weave in the ideals of a deity you are trying to work in as your parent. I especially love that you included the satyr as a friend in the application! It really sets them up for success when it comes time to tell them to leave for Camp Halfblood and I love it. There are just some canon snafu's and consistency issues we have to clear up. History: Conflicts with canon The gods don't interact with the demigods before they're claimed often, so it's unlikely she would have had Artemis be a favorite aunt until after her claiming Suggestion: If you remove this line "though there was a small scuffle with Artemis, where she found out her favorite aunt was actually a goddess in disguise" then the rest of the Artemis references work perfectly because they can apply after she joined the hunters at camp. But she wouldn't have interacted with Artemis before camp. About Me: Internal consistency conflicts: Jason is her Stepfather, Apollo is her dad. Just make sure the family section reflects this. We know it may seem like a lot, but it's just because we included the answers to "how", "why", and "what can you do to fix it" in the same PM. In reality, the character you want to make is totally doable. We really like what you're trying to do here, character-wise, and hope that our suggestions are helpful in getting the application approved in a way that you're still happy with it. So now you'll want to make the appropriate edits, and re-mark your profile as "ready for review" when you're done. We look forward to seeing what you come up with! Your application, all in all, was very well done, and we're certain with the edits it will be perfect! We will be the ones reviewing your application next time, so you'll know the standards won't change. Sincerely, ~Lilythe & DUDEITSBRITT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★Lilythe Posted March 17, 2023 Admin Author Share Posted March 17, 2023 Harper Rose Hello Hei Elder! Before I respond, I want to tell you that you're off to a good start. I can tell you've put some thought into your character's backstory and some events you want them to experience. I especially love that you have put so much detail into their relationship with their father. There are just some canon snafu's and site rule violation issues we have to clear up. General: Satyrs must bring them to camp. To provide consistency and guiding, the site has ruled that all children are brought to camp by Satyrs. This is laid out in The Claiming Process. Canonically, the way you have her arriving has not happened, and we do specify in our rules that satyrs always bring campers to camp. Suggestion: Perhaps her father has a friend that could be the satyr, or she makes a friend at school. She's old enough to be in kindergarten. Length You're going to need some basic details about their early life, how they got to camp, how they made friends with the satyr, their journey to camp, etc. You have some of this in there, and it doesn't have to be super lengthy, but it does need to have enough detail that we can get a feel for what your character has been through to get them to where they are. History: Internal Consistency Conflicts. How does her dad know that her mother was a goddess? How does she know? This is not clear in the application and will need to be made clear so that we can determine whether it is consistent with canon or not. We know it may seem like a lot, but it's just because we included the answers to "how", "why", and "what can you do to fix it" in the same PM. In reality, the character you want to make is totally doable. We really like what you're trying to do here, character-wise, and hope that our suggestions are helpful in getting the application approved in a way that you're still happy with it. So now you'll want to make the appropriate edits, and re-mark your profile as "ready for review" when you're done. We look forward to seeing what you come up with! Your application, all in all, was very well done, and we're certain with the edits it will be perfect! We will be the ones reviewing your application next time, so you'll know the standards won't change. Sincerely, ~Lilythe & DUDEITSBRITT P.S. We will be adding a rule, this will not apply to this application as you got it in before the rule was made, but we will be adding clarification that we do not want children under the age of 8 at camp. Annabeth was the youngest member of camp at her time and she was only 8 years old. That's canon, and so we would like to stick with that as a minimum moving forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★Lilythe Posted March 17, 2023 Admin Author Share Posted March 17, 2023 Ezra Hale Hello Moony! So sorry for the delay. Lilythe is out travelling and does not have consistent Wi-Fi. She is currently part of all application reviews to ensure canon and site plot consistencies are met. Before we respond, we want to tell you that you're off to a great start. You have a unique character and I really like the ideas you have on paper. There are just some details missing. General: Erebus is a primordial deity. At this time, we are not doing applications for non-Greek pantheon deities for half-bloods. We are a canon site, and Rick Riordan will be coming out with a new series soon. Since Riordan has shown us that certain primordials and titans have died off (i.e. Selene), we are not currently accepting applications for the primordial deities or titans at this time. Legacy status may be available in the near future, however for these. But it requires drachmae to achieve which is earned through posting. Suggestion: Change godly parent. Option 1: Hecate has a lot of ties to darkness, crossroads, etc. that align with Ezra's story as is and wouldn't require much app tweaking and she isn't part of the 12 Olympians. But you'd have to change parent genders around. Option 2: With all the gambling Tyche would also be a solid choice. Bad luck is still luck. She also isn't part of the 12 Olympians. Again, you'd have to switch parental genders. Option 3: We can look for a minor deity that fits your vision for Ezra. Any non-listed deity must have been talked about with Lilythe in advance per site rules. Perhaps you thought Erebus would be included in minor gods. Unfortunately this is not so. But if it had been per our minor deity regulations you need to speak with Lilythe as the loremistress for the site in advance so that she can get powers set up. Suggestion: If you go with option 3 from above, reach out to Lilythe. She can both help you find a deity and let you know what the powers would look like. History: Canon Consistency errors: Campers must be claimed by age 13. After The Last Olympian Percy made a deal with the gods that all children needed to be claimed by the age of 13. As a result, Ezra would have needed to have been claimed before the age of 13, so could not have been claimed at 14. Internal Consistency errors: It is very unlikely that a middle-schooler would be able to take part in underground gambling and casinos. Suggestion: Find a way to make this more age-appropriate, such as losing bets with peers and getting bullied as a result. They are 17, but little is said about time at camp. Suggestion: Add a couple sentences about being at camp. You have that they like the Hermes campers, so maybe include why that is to add a little depth to their time since arriving at camp. Did satyr or mom tell him that his dad was a god? Suggestion: Let us know a bit about what happened when he found out his parent was a god. Now you'll want to go back and make the appropriate edits. We look forward to reading it soon! Sincerly, ~Lilythe and DUDEITSBRITT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★Lilythe Posted May 13, 2023 Admin Author Share Posted May 13, 2023 Seong Eun-ji Hello Seong Eun-ji Before I respond, I want to tell you that y'all are off to a great start. You have a unique characters and I really like the ideas you have on paper. There are just some minor consistency issues we have to clear up. History: If the father cares about her and feels guilty at the end, why doesn't he respond when she tries to repair it? You wrote "She had reached out to her father this much, try and repair their fractured relationship and in reality... he seemed to hate her. Her existence. In reality, it was a bad lapse of judgement with a little bit of liquor. In the morning, Jung-dae remembered the events that transpired, and wished he could do it all over again. In reality, he just struggled to communicate, and didn't trust himself enough to be a good parent." This contradicts itself. It has Eun-ji reaching out and trying to repair things, but the father 'seeming to hate her', but immediately after that you say that he regrets what happened and wished he could do it again. So why wouldn't he take up the offer to fix things when she reached out? You also have "in reality he hated her" immediately followed by "in reality he struggled to communicate" which is it? Does he genuinely have disdain or does he just struggle? So now you'll want to make the appropriate edits. We look forward to seeing what you come up with! Unfortunately, this was your last attempt with Charmspeak. You will need to remove the Charmspeak aspects of your application. This is what we mean when we say the long backstories with too many details are often the undoing of an application... I'm so sorry Dusk... Sincerely, ~Lilythe & DUDEITSBRITT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts